a first post

I feel like I’m starting this blog a little late in the junky game. At 29, I’ve been at this opiate thing for over half of my life now with a little more than nothing to show for it.

There’s quite a lot to be said in being a veteran user of drugs, and even moreso in living long enough to see what lies in the wake of your habit. Some nights, I lay awake in the wonderment of why I’m so lucky, still alive, and not in prison. Other times I wonder why I’m so unfortunate to even have to ask those questions; shouldn’t I instead be marveling at the fact I’m significantly unlucky in having to live a life where I appreciate the bad things just because they’re happening to me?

I suppose in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter either way; I am what I am and nothing is going to change that, short of a winning lottery ticket or some other supernatural event. I guess the question I’m ultimately looking to answer throughout this process is what is it that keeps me coming back for more? Now, I’m sure there are countless twelve-step cliches that one could apply to such a question. I’m willing to bet there’s enough ‘just-say-no-mentality’ bullshit to drown me in it for a week. And I’m damn near one hundred percent that you’ve already got an opinion of your own on the matter. (I guess we’ll just wait and see?)

One thought on “a first post

  1. Hi there. A shout out to a fellow survivor.

    Nothing to show for your life? Hell, I’ve never met you IRL, but I’d say just your websites suggest a reality somewhat different. On the topic of websites: thanks for the opportunity to blog the nastier side of a dissolute life, bi11i – and to read more about yours.

    Life isn’t over yet… and the hell to “Just Say No”.

    I prefer to “Just Say MAYBE”…

    Anyway, take care – you’ll hear more out of me soon, I promise!

    Peri

    Like

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