over the hump

Well, it only took a few days to clear my system. I thought for sure that because I’d been on the buprenorphine for so long, it would take at least a week or so for me to get to the point where I could feel an opiate. Not so. In fact, it appears that even with my excessive dosage of 40mg’s a day, I’m able to come down to nothing at the same pace as when I was at .2mg’s a day.

Of course, I didn’t make it that far; I’ve been eating Darvocet, Lorcet, Codeine, and Vicodin for the last couple of days now. Not enough to get high, but just enough to keep myself from getting sick. Occasionally I take too much or I reach that stage where right after I eat, I feel a little nauseated and wish I could come down a little. I’m in no way interested in getting blasted, but that first night I did get a little bit out there, starting out frustrated and finishing off swallowing one of every pill I had available to me. I ended up getting sleepy – a normal reaction to opiates by normal people. I imagine my normal reaction will fade here soon enough, but I wonder if I’ll be able to quit cold turkey without too much trouble from the legs. Oh, those fucking legs! They always make me give in after a few days. If only the legs would leave me alone after day three, then I’d be able to deal with days four through seven a little easier. Maybe this time will be it?

It’s always some sort of motivation that helps me to quit in the end. I actually tapered down from Methadone the last time I did this, and it was an Orb concert that kept me from going nuts. I actually rode in a car for damn near 9 hours, cramped in with a few other people, my legs yelling and screaming at me the entire time, to get the fuck UP! I made it through. In fact, I made it through and came back clean. It wasn’t until years later when I met Charles that it all started to head back down hill. Charles and Frank. Those two rat-fucks. I wish I knew what sculptured my youthful and appealing attitude towards the dumb and dirty, as I’ve sat comfortably with the likes of such people for most of my life. My mother isn’t proud.

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