i heart matt bunker

I received this cheerful little message in my inbox today:

“The Opiophile” WOW your site fucking sucks anyway nigger! go suck a cock you fucking un-origional bastard… why run a site if its gonna be such a usless piece of shit with no information about anything,… oh im sorry we know how to make poppy seed tea, woohoo,…… your hardcore

p.s eat shit and kill yourself

I love these mails. At least once a week I have to ban someone from Opiophile.org. This guy happened to call another member a nigger. Regardless of their personal beliefs and adversity to skin tone, I made a decision early on to just flat-out ban anyone who keeps the board from moving in an intelligent direction. Are you someone that uses ‘lol‘ to punctuate each sentence in your posts? Better watch your ass. Maybe you (to increase your post count) like replying to every thread with ‘me, too’ or ‘yes, exactly’? There’s room for you outside, as well. Oh, the power!

My favorite event by far this week was from the admin of another forum-based website. I’m not going to mention the URL to give it another ounce of Google credibility, but I will reprint some emails (with now the permission of the author.) This all started with the usual posting of a link to the forum at Opiophile.org. This happens all the time where someone signs on and then posts one message; an advertisement for their own site. Real classy. Usually this is followed by some sort of bump a few days later by the same person in order to keep it in the search rankings. Then the mail started coming in.

The first series of mails were in asking to host the Opiophile.org site itself, followed by several more emails attempting to persuade me into purchasing some online advertisements. All were replied to with a kindly no-thank you; however the last reply I received was kind of abrasive.

I was just trying to help, and was not asking you this time!!!
No need for that kind of attitude,

I was earnestly trying to help you,
So now forget it, and the link exchange

I this is how you treat people, then count me out, and don’t forget that we run the underground chem scene!!! Your tramping on sacret ground!! We have ties, we can find you. DO NOT DOUTB US!!!!!!

A link exchange? The last time I checked, you posted your link and never asked for mine. I almost felt a little used, like someone took me out on a date, draped me and raped me (over a dumpster) all the while trying to sell me something. Surely this cannot be an exchange? (Can it?)

My next no-thank you wasn’t as kind. It was more of a “Please stop mailing me, you bother me.” After being threatened that I’ll be found and hunted down like a wabbit, I figure it might be a good idea to advise my own member base to steer clear of the madness. This was a bad idea. As soon as I made the post someone pasted it into Usenet. Not a good thing. Here I was, having some fun, and now its a full blown hissy fit. At this point in the game I’m done. No more mails from me. But then I start getting some really, really funny shit in my inbox.

I hope you kow what your doing,

All you have said is lies, and if it’s a fight you want, Which you have wanted from the beginning, Let’s see what happens., It’s obvous you have nothing to lose, And that’s why your so angry right!

see you in court, my friend,

We have solicitor in a few countries, so it won’t be long before you here from us,

Have a nice Day!

What exactly does this mean, anyway? I reply asking what a solicitor is.

We have already begun,

Take a look around you, things are happening, WE have a nice post going at our forum about you, yes, just you!

We have 850 loyal members, who are eager to find you, and seek fair justice, for what you have done,

You have just ruined your site, in only a few keystrokes, Lucky you!!,

Arn’t you in for a surprise,
This will teach you a valubale lesson my frined, All your hard work, just down the drain,

You better get ready,

Don’t worry, we already know your ip, and your company name, and the owner of your domain, where your company is based,

You really shouldn’t have done this,

You have quite a hole to dig yourself out of! hahaha

Lying allways come back to bite you,
Only one thing gets rid of this, and you have lost your chance,

Get ready!

and then this:

Expect a few emails,
Your comments are just so childish,
Before you only had one person pissed at you, now you have over 800, you muther fucker

You will recieve what you deserve for this, posting a private message, without permission- you dickhead

Aren’t you going to get a few surprises, whenm you find out most of our members are loyal to all the forums, you think you are,

you will be weeded out, in time,

last note:
And don’t post this, hahah
Will that make you post it?, should!!
Cause we are going to post the entire thread, and let people make their opwn decisions

Yes,
We are going to post every message that has transpired between us, As we know , that you are the person, that took things out of context

Muther fucker? My favorite is when he tells me not to post it, and then comes right back telling me he’s going to post it himself. I’m beginning to realize that this individual is one of those people who thinks out loud, completely oblivious to the backspace key.

Legel Notice
Since you have no quarms in perpetating to destroy our business through slander,

Then we have no choice but take legal, and all necesary action, from further destruction of our business, our work, our time, and our love,

We are aware of who your hosts are,:
http://www.networksolutions.com/en_US/help/index.jhtml
and their direct lines, and emails

and will proceed to form action against your illegal activities, that of publishing personal mail material and editing it without permission,

We never wanted this to come to this, but you are leaving us little choice, as that forum is our life, despite what you may believe,

If all material is not removed from Usenet, or added to then we will proceeed

No more clearer than that,
I am sorry

syn

Please, no! Please don’t contact my host! Please! (Just to add, I’m not sure whose host that is. It’s certainly not mine.) Keep in mind; these are all coming in without a single additional mailing from me. This guy is angry, and he just keeps them coming….

The best and probably the only thing you can do to redeem yourself, and end this mess you’ve got yourself and your company into before it takes momentum is to:

Go into adc, and post from your name,and on behalf of your board, and set the record straight, and say you had nothing to do with this, nor your company

Hence leaving this the responsibility of that anon. poster(you) and nothing to do with either of your boards,

Please bear in mind that we wish a peacful resolution to this problem, as I am sure you do,

Please think about this, and repair the damage, at the adc forums, and then I will dispell all this as just a mistake,

And then of course, I get an anonymous mailing. Who could this be from?

bi11i,

one must ask.
why the anger? no one at synthetikal has shown any nasty means to anyone. never less lies. misunderstandings happen. but are eazie fix’es. among the willing. no one needs war nor fights.
i’ll stand up for synthetikal because all the members and syn have been nothing but cool brother. if at this time there still stands to be a misunderstanding. go take a peek at synthetikal.
nothing but a means of work’n together. is really all i see.
either way bro. everyone makes thier own way in this world.
peace
.
no need to reply i have it set not to recive any return.

Another favorite of mine:

“Never wrestle with a pig in the mud. You’ll both get dirty but the pig will ENJOY it”.

Thanks for the extra traffic!

Syn

This one came in yesterday. I love this guy.

Just thought I would say, that your site looks really good now, Nice improvements, nice logo change, all looks very professional,

Sorry about all that bullshit before,

Goodluck to you, and your site, you’ll be fine,

Syn

That last part was my favorite. I thought maybe he had some cool-down time, but no. “You’ll be fine.” Thank Santa, I was beginning to worry. I think my second favorite was “Since you have no quarms in perpetating to destroy our business through slander” Which of these are words and which are made up?

And wait! This is even better! Just to add as someone has forwarded on (link removed)

Whoops,

I had completly forgot about this, and decided to get back into work, and not give it the light of day, definately the best move someone could make, in this situation.

Anyway turns out, that when I posted this character a legal notice of intent for outright slander, he backed down, and now posts that he knows nothing about it anymore,
Now we have to live with him stealing our ideas, and forum activities, in the last week he has plagurised our front page, re-designed his logo, and is now using the same Modifications we do, oh well, I am not offended by that, flattered, a better word.
I thought it was funny this “bi11i” guy saying it wasn’t him, that did this, but then when I went to his website, and found our name all over his page, in the announcements, that someething was a bit odd here,
Things just didn’t add up, since our legal push, he has removed all traces of us from his site, and is now acting within the law,

Well that’s good, all has worked out, and thanks for all those that helped the cause,

Moral:

“Don’t roll with a pig in the mud, because you’ll both get dirty and the pig will enjoy it,!”

___
Matter closed

Again, with that quote. Who came up with that one, anyway? Thank god for that ‘legel notice’ that arrived in my mailbox. If it wasn’t for that, we’d probably all be in jail right now…..

All in all, it was an entertaining venture. I was pretty much able to just sit back and watch. Traffic nearly doubled to the site and I had a few good laughs in between.

You, you with your champion spelling skills and intense appreciation for the english language. I commend you. You have made me laugh, which isn’t all that easy these days…

Thanks, jackass……