i heart matt bunker

I received this cheerful little message in my inbox today:

“The Opiophile” WOW your site fucking sucks anyway nigger! go suck a cock you fucking un-origional bastard… why run a site if its gonna be such a usless piece of shit with no information about anything,… oh im sorry we know how to make poppy seed tea, woohoo,…… your hardcore

p.s eat shit and kill yourself

I love these mails. At least once a week I have to ban someone from Opiophile.org. This guy happened to call another member a nigger. Regardless of their personal beliefs and adversity to skin tone, I made a decision early on to just flat-out ban anyone who keeps the board from moving in an intelligent direction. Are you someone that uses ‘lol‘ to punctuate each sentence in your posts? Better watch your ass. Maybe you (to increase your post count) like replying to every thread with ‘me, too’ or ‘yes, exactly’? There’s room for you outside, as well. Oh, the power!

My favorite event by far this week was from the admin of another forum-based website. I’m not going to mention the URL to give it another ounce of Google credibility, but I will reprint some emails (with now the permission of the author.) This all started with the usual posting of a link to the forum at Opiophile.org. This happens all the time where someone signs on and then posts one message; an advertisement for their own site. Real classy. Usually this is followed by some sort of bump a few days later by the same person in order to keep it in the search rankings. Then the mail started coming in.

The first series of mails were in asking to host the Opiophile.org site itself, followed by several more emails attempting to persuade me into purchasing some online advertisements. All were replied to with a kindly no-thank you; however the last reply I received was kind of abrasive.

I was just trying to help, and was not asking you this time!!!
No need for that kind of attitude,

I was earnestly trying to help you,
So now forget it, and the link exchange

I this is how you treat people, then count me out, and don’t forget that we run the underground chem scene!!! Your tramping on sacret ground!! We have ties, we can find you. DO NOT DOUTB US!!!!!!

A link exchange? The last time I checked, you posted your link and never asked for mine. I almost felt a little used, like someone took me out on a date, draped me and raped me (over a dumpster) all the while trying to sell me something. Surely this cannot be an exchange? (Can it?)

My next no-thank you wasn’t as kind. It was more of a “Please stop mailing me, you bother me.” After being threatened that I’ll be found and hunted down like a wabbit, I figure it might be a good idea to advise my own member base to steer clear of the madness. This was a bad idea. As soon as I made the post someone pasted it into Usenet. Not a good thing. Here I was, having some fun, and now its a full blown hissy fit. At this point in the game I’m done. No more mails from me. But then I start getting some really, really funny shit in my inbox.

I hope you kow what your doing,

All you have said is lies, and if it’s a fight you want, Which you have wanted from the beginning, Let’s see what happens., It’s obvous you have nothing to lose, And that’s why your so angry right!

see you in court, my friend,

We have solicitor in a few countries, so it won’t be long before you here from us,

Have a nice Day!

What exactly does this mean, anyway? I reply asking what a solicitor is.

We have already begun,

Take a look around you, things are happening, WE have a nice post going at our forum about you, yes, just you!

We have 850 loyal members, who are eager to find you, and seek fair justice, for what you have done,

You have just ruined your site, in only a few keystrokes, Lucky you!!,

Arn’t you in for a surprise,
This will teach you a valubale lesson my frined, All your hard work, just down the drain,

You better get ready,

Don’t worry, we already know your ip, and your company name, and the owner of your domain, where your company is based,

You really shouldn’t have done this,

You have quite a hole to dig yourself out of! hahaha

Lying allways come back to bite you,
Only one thing gets rid of this, and you have lost your chance,

Get ready!

and then this:

Expect a few emails,
Your comments are just so childish,
Before you only had one person pissed at you, now you have over 800, you muther fucker

You will recieve what you deserve for this, posting a private message, without permission- you dickhead

Aren’t you going to get a few surprises, whenm you find out most of our members are loyal to all the forums, you think you are,

you will be weeded out, in time,

last note:
And don’t post this, hahah
Will that make you post it?, should!!
Cause we are going to post the entire thread, and let people make their opwn decisions

Yes,
We are going to post every message that has transpired between us, As we know , that you are the person, that took things out of context

Muther fucker? My favorite is when he tells me not to post it, and then comes right back telling me he’s going to post it himself. I’m beginning to realize that this individual is one of those people who thinks out loud, completely oblivious to the backspace key.

Legel Notice
Since you have no quarms in perpetating to destroy our business through slander,

Then we have no choice but take legal, and all necesary action, from further destruction of our business, our work, our time, and our love,

We are aware of who your hosts are,:
http://www.networksolutions.com/en_US/help/index.jhtml
and their direct lines, and emails

and will proceed to form action against your illegal activities, that of publishing personal mail material and editing it without permission,

We never wanted this to come to this, but you are leaving us little choice, as that forum is our life, despite what you may believe,

If all material is not removed from Usenet, or added to then we will proceeed

No more clearer than that,
I am sorry

syn

Please, no! Please don’t contact my host! Please! (Just to add, I’m not sure whose host that is. It’s certainly not mine.) Keep in mind; these are all coming in without a single additional mailing from me. This guy is angry, and he just keeps them coming….

The best and probably the only thing you can do to redeem yourself, and end this mess you’ve got yourself and your company into before it takes momentum is to:

Go into adc, and post from your name,and on behalf of your board, and set the record straight, and say you had nothing to do with this, nor your company

Hence leaving this the responsibility of that anon. poster(you) and nothing to do with either of your boards,

Please bear in mind that we wish a peacful resolution to this problem, as I am sure you do,

Please think about this, and repair the damage, at the adc forums, and then I will dispell all this as just a mistake,

And then of course, I get an anonymous mailing. Who could this be from?

bi11i,

one must ask.
why the anger? no one at synthetikal has shown any nasty means to anyone. never less lies. misunderstandings happen. but are eazie fix’es. among the willing. no one needs war nor fights.
i’ll stand up for synthetikal because all the members and syn have been nothing but cool brother. if at this time there still stands to be a misunderstanding. go take a peek at synthetikal.
nothing but a means of work’n together. is really all i see.
either way bro. everyone makes thier own way in this world.
peace
.
no need to reply i have it set not to recive any return.

Another favorite of mine:

“Never wrestle with a pig in the mud. You’ll both get dirty but the pig will ENJOY it”.

Thanks for the extra traffic!

Syn

This one came in yesterday. I love this guy.

Just thought I would say, that your site looks really good now, Nice improvements, nice logo change, all looks very professional,

Sorry about all that bullshit before,

Goodluck to you, and your site, you’ll be fine,

Syn

That last part was my favorite. I thought maybe he had some cool-down time, but no. “You’ll be fine.” Thank Santa, I was beginning to worry. I think my second favorite was “Since you have no quarms in perpetating to destroy our business through slander” Which of these are words and which are made up?

And wait! This is even better! Just to add as someone has forwarded on (link removed)

Whoops,

I had completly forgot about this, and decided to get back into work, and not give it the light of day, definately the best move someone could make, in this situation.

Anyway turns out, that when I posted this character a legal notice of intent for outright slander, he backed down, and now posts that he knows nothing about it anymore,
Now we have to live with him stealing our ideas, and forum activities, in the last week he has plagurised our front page, re-designed his logo, and is now using the same Modifications we do, oh well, I am not offended by that, flattered, a better word.
I thought it was funny this “bi11i” guy saying it wasn’t him, that did this, but then when I went to his website, and found our name all over his page, in the announcements, that someething was a bit odd here,
Things just didn’t add up, since our legal push, he has removed all traces of us from his site, and is now acting within the law,

Well that’s good, all has worked out, and thanks for all those that helped the cause,

Moral:

“Don’t roll with a pig in the mud, because you’ll both get dirty and the pig will enjoy it,!”

___
Matter closed

Again, with that quote. Who came up with that one, anyway? Thank god for that ‘legel notice’ that arrived in my mailbox. If it wasn’t for that, we’d probably all be in jail right now…..

All in all, it was an entertaining venture. I was pretty much able to just sit back and watch. Traffic nearly doubled to the site and I had a few good laughs in between.

You, you with your champion spelling skills and intense appreciation for the english language. I commend you. You have made me laugh, which isn’t all that easy these days…

Thanks, jackass……

10 thoughts on “i heart matt bunker

  1. Ohhhh boy!

    I laughed myself silly at the “Legel Notice”. Someone whose spelling and grammar skills are so obviously at the grade-school level, really shouldn’t be even trying that sort of rubbish. Unless their aim is to be laughed at forevermore.

    Love your work, bi11i.

    Like

  2. I am caught by your blog. I found it only yesterday but have read most of the archives, isn’t it strange when you findrun into something that feels like you could have wrote it, since you’ve lived it. Change the names, blurr the memories, like squinting your eyes to see one of those stupid hidden picture things.
    Guilt sure, definitely, not something you tell your mom about but being on this side(suboxone) I feel a bit empty, if ya know what I mean. It seems to me you arewere living a life not unlike my own. Frank, Dirty Jim,Wedo and Ivy and the lovely Loretta were a big exciting, dangerous, sleezy part of the fall of Bo(me) It sounds to me; that you to, had these characters back in the “tiny pupil” days.
    I have a vivid memory of standing on the corner of 1st and Pike (Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle) with all the other “little pupil people” some hungry and homeless, some looking for the next scam, some trying to get someone to return the sweater they just ripped off from Norstroms 5050 split the cash. Standing there feeling very “full” and a big spooky rastafarian looking guy says ” life may suck now, life may suck tomorrow but we(all us dope fiends) love it, we chose it; the life. Its really living, wrapped in the tangled webs, barbwire and puffy white comforter of a reliable vein and brand new rig, in your sock. The life more than anything else was exciting.

    Like

  3. I have a headache now, I often ask the question…”why, or WTF” anyhow, keep up the fine work you’ve already done, and are doing Bi11i, Peace, Rope

    Like

  4. hahahaha, this is the funniest thing I heard in ages,

    I happen to know both the poster b1ii1, and the owner of this forum,

    Looks to me like b1ii1 is still paying the price for his lies,.

    Honestly, everyone, what you have just read is complete bullshit, the reason bi11i won’t mention the site which is http://www.synthetikal.com is because he lost all his business because of what bi11i did,

    And now reading this, i can see that he is even trying to decieve all of you,

    The truth is out there, it just depends if you are willing to look, go to synthetikal.com or the news groups, and see the real story,

    What actually happened was bi11i, made up an email, and said it was from synthetikal.com, this was bi11i realiased that synthetikal existed and was in direct competition with his sit,

    Synthetikal is a massive site, taking over from where the hive left off,

    To get people to come to bi11i opiophile board, bi11i posted emails from synthetikal, which he made up, as to try and grab a slice of synthetikal member,

    unfortunately, when the truth came out, it all backfired for bwi11, who is still fuming today about this, hence the post here,

    none of the emails above , are actually real,
    All just a naive plan by the frustrated bi11i,

    So it is a question of who you believe, and what you believe,
    Sure, this site is owned by bwitti, so everything you read is biased towards him,

    I don’t give a shit about any of this, just people should know the truth,

    As you can understand, all the members of synthetikal, were a bit pissed off having this bi11i, slander there site, which they all work together in,

    Karma, it is called

    I wonder why synthetikal has never recieved any of these emails?

    I think that answers the problem,

    You all should be aware that the person running your board, is morally bankrupt,

    Would you want someone posting made up emails about you, on the web?

    Welll, I swear to god, that this is what bi11i, does!

    whodoyouthink

    Like

  5. hahahaha, this is the funniest thing I heard in ages,

    I happen to know both the poster b1ii1, and the owner of this forum,

    Looks to me like b1ii1 is still paying the price for his lies,,

    Honestly, everyone, what you have just read is complete bullshit, the reason bi11i won’t mention the site which is http://www.synthetikal.com is because he lost all his business because of what bi11i did,

    And now reading this, i can see that he is even trying to decieve all of you,

    The truth is out there, it just depends if you are willing to look, go to synthetikal.com or the news groups, and see the real story,

    What actually happened was bi11i, made up an email, and said it was from synthetikal.com, this was bi11i realiased that synthetikal existed and was in direct competition with his sit,

    Synthetikal is a massive site, taking over from where the hive left off,

    To get people to come to bi11i opiophile board, bi11i posted emails from synthetikal, which he made up, as to try and grab a slice of synthetikal member,

    unfortunately, when the truth came out, it all backfired for bwi11, who is still fuming today about this, hence the post here,

    none of the emails above , are actually real,
    All just a naive plan by the frustrated bi11i,

    So it is a question of who you believe, and what you believe,
    Sure, this site is owned by bwitti, so everything you read is biased towards him,

    I don’t give a shit about any of this, just people should know the truth,

    As you can understand, all the members of synthetikal, were a bit pissed off having this bi11i, slander there site, which they all work together in,

    Karma, it is called

    I wonder why synthetikal has never recieved any of these emails?

    I think that answers the problem,

    You all should be aware that the person running your board, is morally bankrupt,

    Would you want someone posting made up emails about you, on the web?

    Welll, I swear to god, that this is what bi11i, does!

    whodoyouthink

    hey bi11i, who’s been a naughty boy?
    Grammer, rich coming from you, when you spoke to me on the email, I thought you were a teenager, by your choice of words, man, are you going to go to hell or what, you are one evil fucker, now you are still trying to decieve more people, why,?Just let it go, dude,
    You’ll end up just making yourself look like more of an idiot,

    You cannot keep doing this, making up falacious(false) bullshit,
    This is why you are recieving emails everyday from people that you piss off,
    I haven’t given this a sec of thought for ages, is it still bothering you?

    Stop slandering my fucking company,

    Like

  6. Yeh, I also heard about this fukwit bi11i, goes around slandering people, along time ago, I had a good website, until this fukwit bi11i, began doing the same thing,
    Here’s a quote from the asshole:

    I made a decision early on to just flat-out ban anyone who keeps the board from moving in an intelligent direction.

    Intelligent direction, what does that mean, slandering other websites, that are about the same topic as yours,

    You don’t just go on banning people, what’s the point, they just change name, and go back, with a different IP, you fool,

    This guy should be locked up,again
    Lying like a junkie, jesus you give even the moral junkies a bad name, with your lies and deciet.

    You should be ashamed of yourself,bi11i

    If you had any intellect, you wouldn’t do the things you do,

    This guy is a fraud, sure he can act all nice to his members, as long as he is admin,
    Just another ego hungry dipstick, that that obviously does not know the way of the world,
    And know he’s trying to pull another one over these poor board members,

    Go to hell billi, you evil slime bag,
    This guy actually makes up stuff, to suit his agenda, what a great guy,

    If I was junkylife, I would ditch this guy, and what’s better yet, he also runs a web company,

    I feel sorry for all the poor bastards that get caught in his filthy pathetic way,

    You make me sick bi11i,

    This time, you fucked up, and approached a board that is run by the members,
    And that is why you are recieving hate mail,

    I don’t think synthetikal even gives a shit about you,

    I just know that if he finds you, your going have a lot of fast talking to do,

    Your going to hell buddy!

    john

    Like

  7. wow psycho babble or what,if u need a reason not to do/use drugs there ya go. holy crap bill i mean i was first impressed with the site and thought us all getting to know each other would be fun, well i /you have reminded me to kinda be an observer an not so much get in volved with sudden impulses to join in with folk. (ah innocense) untill u get to chk them out better. any way i been kinda busy alls good otherwise.and i hope all the nonsense is done with, but i’m not sure about that. reminder to all.DO NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF;lifes to short

    Like

  8. i’ve noticed that since the posting of this, the site mentioned above is down. it didn’t take long – too bad, i think it was filling a much needed hole and rather unfortunate that it wasn’t owned and operated by someone with some smarts.

    maybe if i bought something from their pharmacy or one of their tshirts it might help? wait, at $40 who could possible afford one? almost a collector’s item at this point. besides, they’re all down, every one of them. wait – here they are: http://www.cafepress.com/synthetikal wow, $39?

    I did noticed this: http://weblog.herald.com/column/davebarry/archives/010945.html — scroll down and notice what a cheap-assed cocksucker this guy is – spamblasting blogs with redirects to his board – looks like your plan worked – now you’ve got so many visitors that you’ve outdone your own bandwidth limitations. Way to go, moron.

    Like

  9. Something that we love bringing up on the SomethingAwful forums when people are on about slander, is “it’s not slander, in print it’s LIBEL”

    Oh, and I think “My favorite is when he tells me not to post it, and then comes right back telling me he’s going to post it himself.” that when he said that and then said “should that make you post it” or whatever, he was indeed trying to get you to be contrary and post it…because he wants it posted because he thinks his words are gold and will make even your dedicated and loving followers (like us!) go over to his side

    Personally, I’m not going over to anyone’s side who can never get your/you’re right. Such a great guide to intelligence, that is.

    I think you might have pissed them off royally by not posting or saying anything about them, and totally ignoring them, which REALLY pisses them off but then cools things down instantly, but I’m glad you posted them because anyone with one grain of sense in their head has marked them off as complete idiots, and I guess you only care about people with sense’s opinion, so that works out perfectly.

    At the first juncture of letters it made me realize (I read this before, but now seeing them again AFTER our email conversation puts it in a different light) what you meant about having been around email misunderstandings. This time they misunderstood you not being interested for apparently having an attitude. I think there is a chance that there is some sort of tricky email presto-chang-o machine that takes all emails sent from anyone to anyone and adds just a hint of attitude.

    I need the plug-in that changes that back. I’m sorry you have so many problems with misunderstandings back and forth in email, you need the plug-in too, as well as one to automatically delete ones from mis-your/you’re. Glad that the site is down! Whee! Though I never will get why people need to blast their link all over the place…I have only linked one person, my friend malli because I wrote about her, to my blog and it’s doing fine. Less time on linking and more time on content to make people WANT to go and stay there. What good is people getting linked there to just get disgusted and leave because the content sucks ’cause the author is off spamming instead of editing and updating.

    Like

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